BONDING WITH BABY WHEN YOU’RE NOT THE ONE LACTATING
A question I get all the time,
“I can't do the feeding, but I want to help share the load, what can I do?”
My answer,
“It's simple……you feed the feeder! Mind, body, and soul.”
Any lactating parent will tell you how essential and vital your role really is. As snack bringer, latch checker, and diaper counter; you provide an anchor and stable ground for that person to carry on feeding. I heard one father once describe it as being the coach in the corner during a boxing match. They might be the ones in the ring but you're the one on the outside rubbing the shoulders, giving a sip of water, providing a reassuring word. This is an essential role.
And don't worry your time will come. There will be a time before you know it when sharing the feedings is part of the daily routine. You'll get to participate in your baby’s nutrition and all the bonding that comes along with that soon enough (see our blog on “PACED BOTTLE FEEDING”).
Studies have shown that children will often get their oxytocin from one parent, such as mom through physical contact with things like breastfeeding. They will often get oxytocin from the other parent, such as dad through physical play.
But in the meanwhile, there are still lots of things you can do to help your partner and also bond with baby!
Skin to Skin
This is such an essential way to bond with your child. When you hold baby skin to skin, you both get loads of scrumptious bonding hormones, such as oxytocin, flowing freely. Studies have shown that when the non gestational parent, gets at least twenty minutes of skin to skin on the day of birth, it will lead to a better relationship and better bonding when the child is 4 and 5yrs old. So it matters!! Do it often, whenever you can! It will soothe and calm baby and even buy the lactating parent a few minutes to use the bathroom or even have a shower once in a while.
Be an Advocate
Learn as much as you can about infant feeding, parent craft and infant development. You can then help your partner navigate the early stages of parenthood while they can focus on healing, lactating, dealing with baby brain, and not being pregnant anymore. It’s a lot and it takes so much bandwidth, so anything that you can take off their mental load will be amazing and greatly appreciated.
Baby wearing
Baby wearing has come into style in such a fantastic way in recent years. Nothing makes the millennial generation stand out more from its predecessors than when you look at the increasing role of the non pregnant partner. We are seeing fathers and partners carrying babies in slings and baby carriers and being very hands on with the role of raising the children. Taking that little bit of extra weight off of your partner's shoulders while also providing your baby with a soothing, warm, calming environment to get to sleep is an excellent way to chip in.
Be a cheerleader
It can be so lonely when you are up doing 4am feeds every night, especially if there have been challenges. Many women and lactating people have questioned whether or not they can carry on. An encouraging word, a shoulder to cry on, or even being the one to reach out for some help and support on their behalf can make all the difference.
Don’t fall into the trap of suggesting ‘the bottle’ as a solution for their issue. Trust me, they know that they can give baby a bottle. But when you say it, what they really hear is that you don’t think they can do it or that they have failed at breastfeeding. If a bottle becomes necessary or even medically indicated then you can help by supporting them to lactate as much as possible for as long as possible, so that even if they don’t achieve their full goal they can still be proud of all that they accomplished, with you by their side!
Let us know if you have any questions!! info@pacificnorthbreast.com
HAPPY BONDING,
THE BREASTIES!